The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - spending a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."