Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's leading comedians spent their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song about the president. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins all he touches."

Colbert's target was the new initiative that enables foreign nationals to buy U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" version for $5 million. The program's portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.