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Being a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.